


Some Marks Remain

by BookshopLaura



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Attempted Murder, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-17
Updated: 2014-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-19 19:20:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1481086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookshopLaura/pseuds/BookshopLaura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur panics and reacts violently when Merlin tells him the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Some Marks Remain

Arthur is strangling Merlin. Seriously, violently, hands wrapped firmly around Merlin's neck, his thumps pressing against Merlin's adam's apple. It doesn't feel real, and his mind is racing. He's so confused and his world is upside down. One minute he was talking to Merlin. Merlin was biting his bottom lip and he wasn't meeting Arthur's eyes. He looked like he was going to cry and Arthur couldn't imagine what Merlin could possibly have done that scares him this much. That would convince him Arthur wouldn't forgive him. And then.

And then Merlin had said he had magic. It was ridiculous, idiotic. Arthur had thrown his head back and laughed. It was such a good jest, Merlin had had him so convinced that something terrible had happened. Except that when Arthur slapped Merlin on the arm, Merlin was still looking deadly serious, deathly pale. Arthur had frowned at him. No, this was out of the question. Then Merlin had done something, Arthur can't even remember what he had done, except that his eyes had glowed a treacherous gold. And the man who had turned to look at him with uncertain eyes was a sorcerer. It was as if Merlin had been wiped from existence but his betrayal had remained.

Sorcerers were evil, dangerous. And this one was a liar, a traitor. It's like instinct, years of training kick in in an instant. And now he's here, throttling Merlin, no the sorcerer, no Merlin. His face is red and bulging, his hands reaching up to claw at Arthur's hands at his throat. The eyes that stare back at him are scared, no, terror stricken. And they are Merlin's eyes. Because he'd know them anywhere. He's choking Merlin, he's going to kill Merlin. The realisation hits him so hard it feels like a physical blow which throws him backwards, away from Merlin, who slumps so much he falls off of his chair. He ends up slumped over his seat, breathing heavily.

Arthur is sat on the floor, his head in his hands, his mind, any one's guess. It's a mess. He doesn't know what to think. Should he have Merlin arrested? Should he fire him, banish him? Should he kill him? He nearly has already. And when he glances up to look at Merlin the idea of killing him, of Merlin's lifeless body laying before him, pale and unresponsive, makes him feel sick. Makes him feel like a monster. But he didn't, he didn't kill Merlin. Merlin is alive. He panicked, that's all. Merlin will understand. Merlin has to understand.

But Arthur's thoughts are distracted from Merlin by Merlin. Or by his breathing, because it's not calming. If anything it's sounding more and more laboured.

"Merlin?" Arthur sits up and tentative creeps forwards. Merlin has sat down against the chair, facing Arthur. The look of fear hasn't left his eyes as Arthur gets nearer. His breathing is getting faster and faster. And his breaths are deep. Too deep. Like he's drowning, drowning on air.

"Merlin, I'm sorry. It's okay." Merlin's eyes are flickering, and his hand seems shaky as he lifts it to clutch at his chest. When Merlin's eyes next meet Arthur's they're unfocussed and Merlin is slumps forwards a little. Arthur closes the distance in seconds, catching Merlin before he falls. He hasn't fainted and he's pushing back away from Arthur. But he's disorientated, his fearful eyes not managing to quite focus with Arthur's. Arthur pulls back, helping him to sit securely back against the chair, then getting up to go and tell the guard to get Gaius. Gaius will likely kill him, but right now he doesn't care.

Because right now Arthur knows that Gaius is the only one who can help. He sits back across from Merlin, watching him with apprehension. He feels like he still has his hands wrapped around Merlin's neck, except that now he can't take them away, even if he wants to. He's watching Merlin, his best friend, choke to death. And he did it, and he's still doing it. Whatever Merlin is, and whatever he's done pales compared to the certain knowledge that Merlin is going to die. And he is powerless to stop it.

"Merlin. Please don't die. I am sorry, I am. Please!" His voice is small, barely loud enough for Merlin to hear. He thinks he sees Merlin nod his head slightly, but it might just have been the shaking. Arthur tries to tell himself it was a nod.

It seems like an eternity before Gaius gets there. He speaks softly to Merlin, speaks calmly, telling him how to breath. And after a while Merlin's breathing evens, and he isn't shaking any more. Then Gaius is checking him over, checking his eyes, his pulse. His eyes drift to Merlin's neck, and just as Gaius does, Arthur sees the imprint of his thumbs on Merlin's neck.

It feels like his life is a horse that has charged straight into a stone wall. It stops in that moment. Because he isn't the Arthur that woke up this morning. That seems like years ago. He was innocent and naïve. And Merlin was just his servant and his friend. And Arthur hadn't tried to kill him in cold blood. Gaius turns a glare on Arthur that could turn him stone, except Arthur is already incapable of moving. Gaius doesn't say anything, he just helps Merlin to stand up and starts guiding him out of the room. As they leave Arthur sees Merlin glance behind him. But his face is unreadable. A long time after they've gone the tears start falling. But Arthur is alone.


End file.
